A soldier in a Ukrainian uniform contemplates the ruins of an Orthodox monastery in Ukraine’s eastern Donetsk region.
“This is a result of Putin’s war,” he says angrily, walking through the wreckage. “As a Christian, this is very offensive to me.”
The soldier, whose name CNN agreed to withhold to protect his identity, says the callsign “Caesar.” He is one of hundreds, if not thousands, fighting to keep the city of Bakhmut, the current focus of the war, in Ukrainian hands.
But there is one thing that sets him apart from most of those who share the same goal: he is Russian.
“From the first day of the war, my heart, the heart of a true Russian, a true Christian, told me that I had to be here to defend the people of Ukraine,” Caesar explains. “We are now fighting in the direction of Bahamut, this is the hottest part of the front.”
Few, if any, buildings in the eastern Ukrainian city have escaped the endless barrage of artillery fired from side to side. Many of the structures have been completely destroyed, others are left uninhabited with parts having collapsed, in apocalyptic scenes reminiscent of the battered city of Mariupol, which Russia captured earlier in the war.
“After the (Russian) mobilization (in September), Putin threw all his forces (at Bakhmut) to achieve a tipping point in the war, but we are fighting a tough defensive battle,” says Caesar.
Much of Ukraine’s resistance force has had to dive into muddy trenches, fighting tooth and nail to deny Russian forces a victory they desperately want.
“Battles are very brutal now,” Caesar explains.
A few miles away from the battle, but still under the auspices of constant blows and explosions, Caesar’s commitment is unwavering and he does not regret his decision to join the Ukrainian foreign legion.
While the urge to enlist came early in the conflict, he could only flee his country, with his immediate family, and join the Ukrainian army in the summer.
“It was a very difficult process,” he says. “It took me several months to finally join the ranks of the defenders of Ukraine.”
Now with his family in Ukraine – where he considers them safer – Caesar says he is one of about 200 Russian citizens currently fighting alongside Ukrainian forces against their country’s armies. CNN could not independently confirm that number.
In Caesar’s view, Moscow’s forces are not true Russians.
“Yes, I kill my countrymen, but they have become criminals,” he explains. “They came to a foreign land to rob, kill and destroy. They kill civilians, children and women.”
“I have to deal with this,” he added.
Caesar is an avowed opponent of what he says is a “tyrannical regime” led by Russian President Vladimir Putin, not only in Ukraine but also at home. And in his confrontation in the war, he had to shoot at least 15 Russian soldiers on the battlefield, he claims.
They are lives he did not regret and murders he does not regret, he says.
“I fight a noble fight and do my military and Christian duty. I am defending the Ukrainian people,” says Caesar. “And when Ukraine is free, I will take my sword to Russia to free it from tyranny.”
Caesar’s ideological drive is not the only reason some Russians chose to side with the Ukrainians on the battlefield. For many, motivation lies closer to the heart.
“Silent,” the call sign of another Russian soldier whose full name CNN is not releasing for his safety, was visiting Ukraine when Russian rockets and artillery shells began landing in its towns and cities on Feb. 24.
“I came to Ukraine at the beginning of February to visit my relatives. I stayed here and the war started,” says Silent.
He says he joined the Ukrainian army shortly after witnessing atrocities committed by Russian soldiers in the suburbs of Bucha, Irpin and Borodianka, just outside the Ukrainian capital, Kyiv. Evidence of mass graves and executions of civilians in these areas emerged after Russian forces withdrew from the Kiev region in early April.
Russia has previously denied allegations of war crimes and claimed its forces do not target civilians, despite extensive evidence gathered by international human rights experts, criminal investigators and international media in multiple locations.
“I was just outside of Kyiv, not far from those places, and when they were kicked out of that area, we went there to help the people and saw what they had done,” says Silent. “Bodies, children, women, executions… When you see it up close… of course everything inside turns upside down.”
And he adds: “I decided to stay here until the end and join the legion.”
Silent says his best friend was recently forcibly mobilized into the Russian army back home. Silent says they’ve discussed the terrifying fact that it’s possible to end up on opposite sides of a Ukrainian battlefield.
“It’s strange that this could happen – especially as he wants to leave Russia and wants to come and fight with me against Putin’s army in Ukraine. We’re trying to get him out, but he’s being held by the Russian army,” says Silent.
His family, like many in Russia and Ukraine, has roots in both countries. His wife and two children now live with him in Ukraine, but other relatives remain in Russia. Silent says that although they have been left behind, they are seeing through Putin’s propaganda for the war, which is still being described as a “special military operation” by the Kremlin.
“They understand what’s going on: Russia invaded Ukraine,” he says, adding that his relatives were not angry with him. “They know my character, that if I have made a decision, I will act until the end.
“I was told to stay safe.”
Another soldier, who goes by the call sign ‘Vinnie’, insists on covering his face with a balaclava, fearing that the long arm of the Kremlin might try to reach him in Ukraine.
“My family is not here with me right now,” he explains. He says he is fighting for them and their future, but still fears what Moscow’s security apparatus might do to them.
“My children, my wife, whom I love very much, are everything, my whole life,” he says, with a twinkle in his eye and a smile that can be detected through the cloth covering his face.
“If I show my face … I worry about them, because there will be no one to protect them,” he adds.
It is one of the additional risks for Russian citizens risking their lives for Ukraine, but not the only one. Russian soldiers fighting for Ukraine could face harsher consequences than their Ukrainian counterparts if captured by the enemy.
Last month, a soldier who left the Russian mercenary group Wagner and crossed over to the Ukrainian side, Yevgeny Nuzhin, was brutally hacked to death with a sledgehammer after returning to Russia.
His execution was applauded by the group’s leader, Russian oligarch Yevgeny Prigozhin. Without directly acknowledging that Wagner’s fighters had committed the murder, Prigozhin said: “Nuzhin betrayed his people, betrayed his comrades, consciously betrayed them. He was not taken prisoner, nor surrendered. He probably planned his escape. Nuzin is a traitor.”
This example is why Vinnie is sure of what will await him if he is arrested.
“There will be no exchange for sure. It will be the end, 100%,” he says. “It’s just going to be more painful.”
But pain and death are not part of this section’s lexicon, even though they face overwhelming odds in Bakhmut.
Russia has been trying to capture the city for months and has poured large numbers of men into Ukrainian defenses in an attempt to break them. But they haven’t broken Vinny.
“I defend the country, I defend the houses, the women, the children, the people who cannot defend themselves,” he says. “My conscience is absolutely clear.”
Caesar, standing among the ruins of the Orthodox monastery, is equally defiant, saying that not even the prospect of defeat will make him waver.
“I’ll stay here as long as my heart beats. I will fight to defend Ukraine,” he says.
“And when we defend Ukraine, I will free my country.”
